Traumatized
by LaPaige
Summary: Next thing I know, she's screaming at me in Russian and throwing coffee cups." ShaneCaitlyn.


**"Next thing I know, she's screaming at me in Russian and throwing coffee cups."**

**Prompt taken from: h t t p : / / community . livejournal . c o m / staringout /**

**---**

"I am traumatised for life." Shane Gray announced as he slid into the booth opposite his two band mate's, Nate and Jason.

"Why?" Jason asked, biting in to his breakfast muffin and greeting Shane with a smile.

Shane watched Nate (who was reading the front cover of a teen magazine with distaste), before mumbling something along the lines of 'hello to you too'. Nate looked up briefly, greeted his band mate and continued to read about 'Selena Gomez and her hot night out with Nate Gray'.

"This morning, I woke up and asked Caitlyn where she put my car keys. She said, and I quote 'where they always are'. I asked where they always were, because obviously they weren't there – I checked beside the fruit bowl, and I always put my keys there. Then she starts saying I'm being stupid and I'm deliberately trying to annoy her. Which I wasn't, by the way. If I was trying to annoy her I'd tell her that purple doesn't look flattering on her when she wears neon orange with it. Anyway –"

"Shane, is this going anywhere?" Nate asked. "I'm trying to read about my fictional date with Selena Gomez."

"Wait, so you didn't go on a date with Selena?" Jason questioned, frowning.

"No, I did. I just don't remember our 'passionate kiss or 'telling her she was the one for me'." Nate replied, pointing at the parts of the article he was quoting.

"So she dreamt about going on a date with you and then told the press because she thought it was real?" Jason asked, following the words on the glossy magazine article that Nate had pointed out.

Nate groaned. "No, Jason. She knew it wasn't real and made it up for attention."

"But Selena's cool, she wouldn't-"

"Jason, just forget it. I think maybe Shane's story is better suited for your brain." Nate said, going back to finishing off the gossip.

"Can I continue with my story now, Nate?" Shane said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"Whatever. Caitlyn's my best friend and your wife, and you're my best friend too. I practically signed up to hear both of you moan about the other."

"Wait, she moans about me?" Shane backtracked, his eyes widening at this news.

"Shane, _anyone _can find something about you to moan about." Nate replied.

"Wow, some best friend you are. Name two things!" Shane said, crossing his arms.

Without missing a beat, Nate replied with "you spend way to long fixing your hair and you argue about the stupidest things – like cutting an apple."

"I like apples." Jason cut in, grinning.

"Just ... continue with your story. I'm getting more coffee." Nate replied, standing up and heading towards the counter.

"So what happened next?" Jason asked, turning his attention away from the bird hopping around on the grass outside and back to Shane.

Without pausing Shane launched back in to his story. "So she said my keys were where they always are, but they weren't. But then I found them by the toaster – can you believe that, the toaster! – and then she said that the dog must have moved them. Our dog can't reach the counter, let alone manage to pick up the keys with her mouth – she can't even work out how to chew a bone!"

Jason nodded along as Shane continued. "So I found my keys, and then I said her hair looked a little messy. And then she just exploded."

"She exploded?" Jason cried, his eyes wide with shock.

"She didn't actually explode, Jason," Shane said as patiently as he could "she just got really, really angry."

"Caitlyn is not fun to be around when she gets angry." Jason replied, nodding again.

"Exactly! Next thing I know, she's screaming at me in Russian and throwing coffee cups!" Shane cried, satisfied with Jason's shocked gasp.

"Wait, Caitlyn speaks Russian?" Nate asked, sliding back in to the booth with a refilled coffee mug in his hand.

"Stop interrupting me!" Shane grumbled. "But yeah, her Great Aunt lived in Russia for a few years and Caitlyn picked up a few words – most of which are swear words she uses to insult me."

"I'll have to get her to teach me those." Nate mumbled, but Shane didn't hear.

"Did she throw the coffee cup I bought her? The one with the robin on it?" Jason questioned.

Shane paused, thinking back to an hour ago and then shook his head. "No, she didn't."

"Oh, good." Jason replied happily as he finished off his second breakfast muffin. Shane's eyes widened.

"Good? I nearly died!" He protested, glaring at the oldest band member.

"No you didn't, Shane." Nate replied, rolling his eyes. "Stop being a drama queen."

"I'm not being a drama queen!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Whatever. I promised Caitlyn I'd meet her to go over the new album. She's still our producer right? Your little argument doesn't change anything?" Nate questioned, but before Shane could reply he was already walking away.

"I think he was joking." Jason replied, watching the youngest band mate leave the cafe.

"Jason, what do you say we go and schedule you for a head examination?" Shane asked, standing up with Jason and following the path Nate had took a few seconds before.

"Oh, cool! Like in House M.D.?" Jason cried, excited at the thought of having an MRI.

Maybe Jason really did need a head examination after all.


End file.
